Blade of Secrets
by Crystal Renee
Summary: Starfire has a secret, one she's kept to herself since when she was young and lived on Tamaran. But when Robin becomes suspicious, and a waterfall of events shower down upon the Titans, will she be able to continue hiding her weaker side? StarfireRobin
1. Razor Sharp Secrets

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own Teen Titans. Although I was gonna go as Starfire for Halloween..........

Author's Notes: Yes. My first Teen Titan's fanfiction. First off, I want to WARN you all that this will NOT be a pretty fic, and there may be some out of character-ness with the characters. I don't really write happy-go-lucky stories, sorry. I have some plans for this story, though. Yes, it is a Starfire and Robin story. I'm not so sure about how and or if I'm going to place other couples in here or not; I may, I might not, we'll just see. It depends on how this whole thing goes. Please leave me feedback.

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 1- Razor Sharp Secrets**

Starfire moved around restlessly within her blankets; sleep was evading her once again, and she didnt' like it one bit. The dark shades that shadowed her room were a testament to something that would have usually been given as a 'Raven' behavior, not one that would be associated with Starfire. She hid this darker side of herself quite well from the others; they never knew her from before, therefore they never knew the real Starfire from before. This secret of hers was actually a habit by now, and she found it somewhat ironic that no one ever asked about why she wore such long, metallic gloves. She supposed it was for the same reason that no one asked why Robin always wore a mask, or why Raven was never seen without her cloak. It had been a part of her, and they had accepted it. Of course, none of them realized that they were only there to mask a part of her life that she wanted to remain secret, and it did as she polluted the air with her bubbly and overly optimistic personality-- the facade she had learned to build for herself.

Reaching over cautiously to the drawer of her nightstand, she pulled out a small, insignificant razorblade. It bore a few rustic shaded stains, but nothing that she couldn't hide from the rest of the titans. Starfire knew what she was doing was wrong, but it was almost a basic _necessity_ to her now, a habit that had formed a long time ago on Tamaran. It had helped her cope with so much before, from the way Blackfire had mistreated her when they were younger, to the tragedy of Terra's sacrifice. She had learned to rely on this bad habit to keep her optimism welcoming and unhindered for the rest of her friends. It was her way of protecting the ones she loved why sheltering herself and being as selfish as she possibily could be.

She drew the small blade across her coarsely scarred skin, not wincing at the pain that shot throughout her body. It really was only a numb feeling that triggered the nerves in her brain and she had learned to ignore it. Starfire was a smart, strong girl, but she felt so alienated from the rest of the group when it came to her emotions; the only time she could really allow them to show was in battle, when she needed them to use her powers. Otherwise, she was just the bubbly optimist who was attempting to keep the peace between everyone and make them smile. She loved being who she was, but that didn't mean she was incapable of feeling vunerable and insecure. She had, for a while, forgotten all about her best friend that now lay embedded in her flesh, but after the entire incident with Terra, she had once again come to retreat back to it for salvation and forgivness in her failure of helping her friend.

The Titans alarm suddenly sounded off, causing her to shoot up in bed, dragging the razor deeper into and further across her skin. She winced that time; the cut was at least a quarter inch deep and 2 inches long now, and that meant it was going to bleed for a while. She pulled her protective gloves on first and stored the blade away into the drawer once again as she continued to change. Starfire ran out of her room to join the rest of her friends as they prepared to fight their first foe of the morning. Robin was standing in wait for her, his arms crossed as he glanced around the living room.

"Who is the enemy we must do battle with today, Robin?" she questioned him. "And where are the others?"

"I told them to go on ahead; you were taking a while and I figured they could battle Plasmus without us for a little while." he responded. "Are you ready to go?"

She nodded. "Where are we going?"

"You're going to have to fly me there, Star, he's at the park."

Without even thinking, she nodded and proceeded to lift Robin into the air. Pain shot through her arm, but she forced herself to ignore it and bite her lip. The blood was circulating out of her arm at an increased rate and would start to leak from her gloves, so she had to get them to the park fast. Robin was sure to notice if there was blood falling from her arm. Starfire zigzagged repeatedly through the buildings, looking for a shortcut to the park. They rounded above the top of one building, only to find themselves within the aim of some disgusting purple goo. Angling them downward, Starfire managed to miss the attack and land them safely on the ground. Palsmus was dividing himself at all directions, desperately trying to protect himself from his ultimate downfall by the Titans. She needed an excuse for the blood that was beginning to bleed through her glove, so Starfire blotted in for attack, intent on allowing one of Plasmus's unaimed shots to hit her so she could use that as the excuse for her wound. She dodged most of the purple goo, her starbolts attacking him at the same time to make everything appear normal.

"Star, look out!" came Cyborg's unmistakable voice.

She looked to her side, noticing the great amount of goo that was aimed toward her; even if she hadn' t of wanted it to hit her, she wouldn't have been able to dodge it quick enough. Her entire body was engulfed in the substance and she went flying to the ground, roughly hitting a park bench at an odd angle. Her excuse was made truthful now, meaning she could continue to fight without a care in the world. Beast Boy desperately dug her out, and she shot off, blasting her starblots excessively until Plasmus fell backward into a pond. Starfire continued to shoot at him until the voices of her fellow Titans got a hold of her. Finally she allowed herself to land upon the ground and stare at the defeated enemy lying, asleep, in the pond.

"Your bleeding." Raven stated in her monotone voice, taking a hold of Starfire's arm. "It's bleeding pretty badly."

"You are right, friend Raven!" Starfire stated. "But it does not hurt that badly. I think I'll just 'medicate' it when we return home! Are we done here now, friends, and are you all alright?"

Beastboy popped up next to her, looking at the bloodied glove as well. "Are you sure you don't want Raven to look at that Star?"

She smiled. "I am positive I am not injured to horrendously."

Cyborg nodded. "I think we should get back then, so you can bandage that thing up."

The group walked away, Raven and Beastboy preparing to hoist Cyborg into the air. Starfire held her arm lightly, looking upward at the moon and thinking silently to herself over all the things that could have gone wrong with this situation. She was so close to getting caught, so close to losing their trust and their belief in her. That was the one drawback that had always scared her when it came to this; no one could know that she had a problem like this. Finally gaining enough calm within herself to head back home, she turned her gaze forward, only to find Robin standing there.

"Starfire, when we get back to the tower, can I talk you about something?" he asked her, a serious tone infiltrating his voice. "It's kind of important."

"Of course Robin, but what do we need to discuss so urgently?" she questioned.

"I'll tell you when we get back. It's not that far back, so lets walk. Your arm is injured and you shouldn't carry me back."

* * *

By the time they came back to the tower, the usual activity was occuring-- Raven sitting in a chair reading a book, Beastboy in the kitchen concoting some new tofu meal, and Cyborg flipping through the channels on the oversized TV. Before Starfire could give them her cheerful 'we have returned friends' greeting, Robin had taken a tight hold of her wrist and dragged her to her room, setting her down gently upon her bed as he retreated into the adjoined bathroom to get iodine and bandages. She shifted uncomfortably, noticing almost immediately a slight bloodstain on her sheets. Nervously she covered the spot with some of her pillows, not wanting Robin to become suspicious. He had said they had to talk about something important. Starfire wasn't stupid, he had noticed something during the battle and he wanted to question her about it. What she was mostly worried about was her ability to respond to his interregation.

Robin appeared from the room, and settled himself next to her. He took a hold of Starfire's arm, and tugged lightly on the glove that hide Starfire's wound. She pulled away suddenly, taking her arm out of his grasp.

"It needs to be cleaned."

"I do not wish to burden you with that task, I can do it myself. Thank you for your cocern though." Starfire responded.

He grasped her wrist tightly, pulling the glove down to reveal the scarred skin she kept hidden, and a large cut. Much to her surprise, Robin didn't question her right off the bat, he just continued to clean her wound gentely and thoroughly. She kept a cautious eye on his movements, not sure yet of what he was going to ask or what he was going to say. Robin was, after all, her best friend, the one that she secretly loved, the one that she would do anything for, and vice versa. He obviously had a lot to say, and she knew he was trying to think of how to say it.

"Star, where did you get this cut?"

She blinked; that was unexpected. "During the battle, where else would it have come from?"

Robin stopped his bandging job to look up at her. "Starfire, tell me the truth. You were hurt before we even left the Tower; I could tell you were favoring this arm. What happened?"

"Nothing, it was just a little sore." she lied again, not liking where this was going.

He tied the bandage, then allowed Starfire's arm to lie next to her. "This isn't the first time you've come out of a battle this way. I've noticed it quite a few times, so you'd be better off telling me the truth. Where did the rest of these scars come from?"

"Robin, I do not believe it is all that important." Starfire responded. "I have nothing to hide from you."

He stood up, heading for her door. "I think you do, but I won't force you tell me. You'll tell me when you feel like you need to. But if I think your in danger, I will figure out what's going on, no matter if you want me to or not."

Robin walked out of the room, heading for his own. Everything was obvious to him; he had always paid more attention to Starfire, for obvious reason-- he loved her, quite a bit at that. Her moods were easily for him to keep track of, and even the slightest twitch could alert him to a disturbance. He knew she was hiding something from him and the rest of the titans, and he also knew it wasn't good. Today only proved that; Starfire couldn't lie, especially when one fact rang true.

_'If Plasmus really was the reason why she was injured, her glove would have been torn where she was cut.'_

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Wow. The first chapter to my first Teen Titans fan fiction. I know, I know, this seems COMPLETELY out of character for Starfire. But you have to agree, someone can't always be THAT happy, can they? Flame me if you want, I know this is a sensitive subject to hit on, but I myself happen to know people who HAVE gone through this kind of stuff, and it's not fun. I just hope I can keep this going and not all the sudden just STOP. Please do leave me feedback, to let me know how I'm doing with the characters and everthing else. The more feedback I get (with ideas, I'm always welcome to that) the more likely I am to update.

Love and hugs--

Crystal Renee


	2. Secret Shards

Author's Note: I'm surprised with the feedback I've gotten. It usually takes a new writer forever to get this many reviews (I have 14 at the moment.......... for my first chapter!), so thank you ALL so much!! This chapter is........... I'm not sure, but it IS. You'll just have to read to find out. I've been experimenting with alot of ideas, so we'll just see how this all turns out, ne?

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 2- Secret Shards**

Robin paced around his room, silently trying to figure out what it was that Starfire was hiding. All the ideas that had popped into his head seemed so... out of character... for her. Starfire never seemed like the kind of person who would perform such vile acts upon herself; she had always had a hard time fighting with her own enemies, convinced that there was some good left within them, somewhere. It had become increasingly difficult for her to fight with Terra, even at the end when they had all decided that she needed to go down. Starfire was just that kind of person; she just wanted to spread the peace, make people happy, not seal their fates with black roses. So how in the world was it possible that she would perform an even worse kind of torture upon herself, even if it was to defeat internal demons that no one realized she battled with?

He knew he shouldn't deny it any longer; the facts were obvious and right in front of him. Starfire was a cutter; she performed self mutilation upon herself. But... why? What was her cause? She had always seemed so happy, and he knew she felt like she fit in. She got along well with everyone, and she was contented with herself. What could have possibly happened that was so terrible that she felt the need to hurt herself instead of talk to someone about it? Sure, Robin new it usually took a bit of prying to get anything out of her; when her sister had come, he hadn't realized until much later that she had felt like she was being replaced and was no longer wanted. But that whole situation had been cleared up so long ago, it couldn't have possibly been the reason for Starfire's newly obtained 'bad habit'. Was it because she felt like there was an overwelming number of things she still needed to learn about earth before she could consider herself normal? Was it because she still felt upset over the fact that her sister hated her so much that she wanted to marry her off to a giant sluggish alien creature? Or maybe it was because she still felt bad about not being able to save Terra?

Maybe it was because she felt lonely?

Smashing his hands down on his desk, Robin began to bite his lip and grip the table under his fingertips roughly. There was nothing else he could do. It was Starfire's choice to tell him exactly what was going on. True, in a sense, he would be hiding too if he were in her position, that had been proven time and time again; when he became Slade's apprentice and Red X, for example. The only problem was that Robin couldn't just sit there and let her keept suffering in silence, and he knew that was exactly what she would do. She would ignore his warnings, and she would keep to herself. That was just Starfire's way; she always put everyone else above herself.

And he couldn't allow her to hurt herself anymore. Robin was smart enough to realize the forcing his presence around her would only make her draw furhter away, so he understood just how difficult this was going to be. Where should he start? What should he do?

* * *

Starfire sat in her room upon her bed, silently staring at her ceiling. Was it really that wrong, to cut herself? Was it really that wrong to try and help herself? She wasn't hurting anyone else in doing this, merely teaching herself how to deal with pain, building up her endurance just as Blackfire had taught her. Was it really all that bad? Sure she was doing it for all the wrong reasons, but that never really registered with her. She just did as her body commanded; it was instinct, habit, unintentional movement. And it helped her.

It was strange to think of it this way now, since Robin at seen the product of her futile attempt at emotional stability. Even though his eyes were hidden behind a mask, she could tell his reaction was that of hurt; it was the way his held her arm, the way he spoke to her. He was afraid for her, and she knew it. But what could she do? Starifre needed and craved this release, she depended upon it.

_'It's an... addiction...'_

Addiction. She had only recently learned what that word word meant, and she had to admit that was the best one to describe her situation; she was addicted to the rush that the pain brought her, to the adrenaline that pumped throughout her body when she saw her blood. She supposed that this was why villians did what they did; the rush of doing something wrong, something that could get you in trouble, was so wonderful in it's notorious splendor that it enveloped you and refused to relent on it's grip. It was the same way for her; when that blade sliced across her skin, she felt more alive, more humane, more... natural. It was one of the few things she had in common with all the creatures on earth; she, like them, could bleed red. She was no different than them in that aspect, and it brought her comfort to know that. They may not be the same by nature, but internally, they were identical.

The more she thought about it, the more unintelligent it sounded, even as the logic of it hit deeply in her heart. Starfire knew, deep down, that she really wanted to stop. But old habits, especially bad habits, are hard to break, and this one was no exception to that golden rule. Treat yourself how you would wish to be treated yourself; could that be used in reverse? Treat yourself as you would treat others? All these philosophies and logic questions were confusing to Starfire; she was still learning all the customs and the language of earth-- her inability to be at the same point as her friends sometimes led her back to the same blade that was haunting her thoughts now. It made her feel better about her lack of earth intellect. She was by no means dumb, just behind and trying desperately to catch up.

Sometimes things just didn't make sense.

"Hey Star, are you hungry? I made Tofu Casserole, stuffed with tofu-y goodness!" Beastboy called from outside her door.

She smiled lightly to herself; Beastboy always lightened the mood. "I am not ravenous at the moment."

"Oh well, more for me! Hey Cy..."

The following argument over 'tofu and real meat' was muffled by her thick doorway. That was okay with her though; at the moment she didn't feel like playing the peace keeper. Part of her wanted to run and apologize to Robin for lying, but the more stubborn side told her to stay rooted. It was her choice, her life, her privacy, and her emotions. She should never apologize for what she felt, for that in the end would only be another lie added onto others. There were already so many optimistic lies covering vicious truths that another could interrupt the delicate balance that was already threatened. Situations like these were always the hardest to deal with.

"But we will all learn from our mistakes... right?" she stated aloud to herself, desperately pulling her knees up agaisnt her chest. "Everyone learns from their mistakes..."

There was a knock on her door, and it sounded very unenthusiastic. Starfire's heart race quickened; who was at her door now?

"Starfire... um... can I come in for a minute?"

It was Robin.

She wasn't sure at first of what she should say to him. Did she really want Robin to come in and see her like this? Unbeknowenst to her, Starfire had began to cry over the course of time that had transpired since Robin left the first time, and she knew he hated seeing her cry. Should she ask him to wait or tell him no? She relented and allowed her feet to hang off the edge of her bed, turning her face down toward the floor.

"Okay."

The door opened, illuminating Starfire's otherwise darkened room. Robin walked inside, making sure the door closed securely behind him. None of the other Titans needed to hear what he had to say to her, especially if more about her situation and the scars came out into the open. He understood that Starfire would want to keep most of this a secret, at least as long as she could, because for the most part it was no one else's business. No one was in the place to save her from herself; everyone fell into ruts like this, and if they ever said they didn't, then they were lying. Maybe they weren't as severe as this one, but they still did at somet point. Robin knew it wasn't his job to change her mind on cutting... but he was going to try. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he would before she destroyed her life and herself. Starfire simply meant too much.

"What do you need to tell me about, Robin?" she asked, lifting her head slowly.

"You've been crying." he pointed out.

Starfire new better than to try and get herself out of this one; she was stuck. "Yes, but I am... contented now."

He turned, looking around for a light switch. "Can I turn the lights on... it's a little too dark in here."

A nod was his response, and soon the bright lights that normally brightened the room were on. At first, neither one said a word; they just looked at each other, seemingly sizing one another up as if they were an opponent to battle. This was, in a way, a battle in itself; but who was going to make the first strike, say the first thing? Would it hurt, or would it only sting?

"I came to tell you... I'm sorry for how I reacted. It was kind of brash." Robin stated. "But you have to understand that I'm worried about you. I don't want anything to hurt you, even if you are the one hurting yourself."

"Is it really... that bad?"

"Is what that bad?"

She didn't respond, simply turned her gaze back down toward the floor. Too much had already been said; she couldn't risk saying anymore. They existed there in the uncomfortable silence, pulling further away and closer together all at once. There were so many levels left for them to embark upon, so many things they both needed to understand. Robin took the first move step in helping save Starfire from herself; she still hadn't admitted that she had a problem, but she had come close.

"I won't tell anyone. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong, but even if you do I won't let the others know. Just... if something happens, come to me."

Starfire stood, and gave him a brief, heartfelt hug.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Okay. Uh.... I really HOPE I'm not moving the plot along too quickly. I just have some stuff I want to have happen, you know what I mean? I know I haven't focused on the other characters, but I hope to get around to doing that too before too long. Leave me feedback on this, please! It's greatly appreciated!

meangreenteentitan: And the thing is, it isn't fun to deal with people who hurt themselves, I know from experience. It never IS fun to deal with those kind of people. Thank you for your compliments, though, they really made me feel good!

ccabello: I planned on it.

D-I-WaRrIa: This is my first TEEN TITANS story. I've writen a lot of Rurouni Kenshin stuff, a little Inuyasha, and a bit of original stuff. And you are welcome for me reviewing to your story. I do aim to please afterall. But I think I have to blame my plot ability on basing stories off of my own experiences, and then the grammer thing is because all I ever really do IS write. I have no life, lol.

Rekka's Angel: I'm glad you like it so much! And it's good that you agree with me that people can't be happy all the time. It's IMPOSSIBLE.

solodancer789: Thank you!

SweetEmotion6String: Thanks for the comments! I'm glad you liked it so much.

S. Giovanni: Thank you so much for your compliments!! :: blushes :: I re-read the chapter AGAIN and saw a few errors, but I guess that over all I did do a pretty good job. I'm glad you liked it so much. It makes me feel good!!

clueless90: Well.......... I'm sorry you dont' like the plot, but don't worry. I'm only using the 'cutting' as a way to start the story off, Starfire won't be cutting herself the entire time. It's kinda a ploy that will come in and out. There's more to the plot than that.

secret: I'm glad you like it!

Rochelleteentitan: LOL, hunt me DOWN? :: is slightly frightened :: It's been A LONG TIME since I've had THAT threat thrown at me, lol! Ah, how I've missed it........

Inferna: No worries, I PLANNED on explaining why Starfire started. Somewhere in here. I mentioned a few reasons, I just didn't go into detail. I know it's a weird take on her, and I'm sure if she were a real person she would be the complete opposite, but this plot had been FORMING in my head forever and I really needed to get it out somehow. I just chose her.

tiffany: I'm very happy you enjoyed it!

PixieGirl2009: LOL, Fortune cookie? Well, you are right, we DON'T know what Starfire does off screen, which is one of the reasons why I chose this particular plot. l really hope I'm not offending anyone..........

deathlioness: I'm glad you like, and I hope updated fast enough for you!


	3. Reviving Secrets

Author's Notes: Wow. Twenty six reviews! I'm happy now!!! Very very happy! I tried hard with this chapter, but who knows how it turned out.

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 3- Reviving Secrets**

"Come on Robin, somethings bothering you! You've had that sour expression ever since Star got hurt!" Cyborg complained. "Can't you just lighten up?"

Beastboy, who had been sneaking around in mouse form, appeared beside the titan's leader, looking at him with accusation. "It's not like Slade did her in or anything! I haven't seen you this angry since the time you thought Slade came back and none of us could see him."

"It's nothing." he seethed. "And don't mention Slade. We don't stand around and remind you of how Terra betrayed us."

"That was a hit below the belt!" Cyborg stated. "That's not like you Robin."

Beastboy glared back at him. "But in the end she did chose us, didn't she? You were Slade's apprentice once too!"

He didn't want to listen to the bickering anymore. There was too much going on, too many things he had to keep to himself. Robin stood up and headed down the hall, away from the other titans and toward his own room. At least there no one would bother him in there, and he could sit and think. He just had to make it the rest of the way down the hall without interruption. All the rest of the titans had been nagging him about his behavior, just as they had when he was intent on finding Slade; the only one who hadn't had much to say was Starfire, but that was for obvious reasons.

"You really should tell us what's wrong." came Raven's familiar voice.

_'So now your getting into my head to try and get me to tell you?'_

"How else am I supposed to get you to listen to me?"

_'If you have something to say besides asking me what my problem is, then I'll listen.'_

"I know it has something to do with Starfire. Beastboy and Cyborg may not have noticed the changes in her, but I know you have."

_'What makes you think that?'_

"I've been noticing them too."

_'Raven, even if I knew anything I wouldn't be able to tell you. I promised.'_

"Your right, but at least let me know where the problem is. Being a girl, I might be able to help Starfire."

_'Okay, fine, it is Starfire, but I'm not telling you anything else.'_

"Robin, I could guess it was something bad; your not very good at hiding your protectiveness."

_'If you find out anything, you'll let me know, right?'_

"Not if she swears me to secrecy."

With that, he could pshyically feel Raven leaving his subconscience, and he was alone once again. He sighed, knowing he had just partially given away Starfire's secret, even if it was in an indirect way. He had to get them to leave him alone. He finally reached his room without further delay, and the sliding opened with the same, familiar crisp _whooshing _sound. Robin didn't wait for it to open completely before he disappeared into his unlit room; he was extremely impatient for no apparent reason. Anxiety was clawing away at him, diverting his attention in a million different directions that it shouldn't have been in.

But of course, there is one way to get Robin's attention back, and that was the insane sound of the titans alarm, alerting them to a new disturbance in the city. He went racing out, once again, from his coven of silence and into the living room, awaiting a quick debreifing from Cyborg and Beastboy on their situation. Upon entering the room, Robin's eyes fell into small slits, and a growl erupted from the back of his throat. It was impossible, it was... inconceivable. There was no way that he could possibly be back.

"Slade..."

"Robin, I see you haven't changed since we last met." came the mechanical sound of Slades voice as his picture flashed over the television screen. "Still as weak as before."

"We did you in!" Robin exploded, stomping with hatred closer toward the screen.

Slade shook his head. "If you did, then why am I still here speaking to you?"

"We have all that was left of him in the evidence chambers, remember Robin?" Cyborg reminded him. "It could just be a prank."

"Some sick prank to pull." came his response. "Where are you Slade, and what do you want this time?"

"The same thing I wanted before, of course-- control of this city."

Raven was typing away at the mainframe computer, hoping desperately to be able to pinpoint the place that Slade's transmission was coming from. Beastboy was holding Robin as far way from the screen as he could while Cyborg inspected the picture upon the screen. The only one who hadn't entered the room yet was Starfire, and she came through at that exact moment, staring with disbelief at the picture before her. If Slade was back, then that meant....

"What has become of Terra?" Starfire questioned aloud. "Slade, what has become of her?"

A light chuckle came from their arch enemy. "Terra is deemed useless, and as something of the sort, she was tossed away."

The entire room when quiet as Raven typed away. They waited for further explination from Slade; Robin and Beastboy were both to enraged to say a word, Cyborg trying desperately to help Raven, and Starfire feeling somehow responsible for the events unfolding. How she could have possibly been connected with them not even she could know or understand, but part of her just screamed that it was her fault, cried out in agony at her failure. If only she could have helped Terra sooner...

"Got it!" came Cyborgs voice. "Save the location."

"I will speak with you later, Robin."

The screen went blank, and a knock came to the door. Everyone was tense; who was there? Was it possible that Slade had somehow gotten through the security system that Cyborg had ingeniusly installed? Starfire inched her way to the metal doors, since she was the closest to them, floating cautiously above the ground in hopes of not making a sound. She could sense her friends tensing up; the way Raven began to allow her aura to permiate about the room, how Beastboy's shoes started to squeak when he hoped from foot to foot, the sound of Cyborgs metal parts grinding together, and feel of Robin's hawk-eyes observing her every movement. She couldn't remember ever feeling so single out, but for the moment, she pushed away her anxieties and her fears. All her attention was focused on getting to the door and finding out what- or who- was on the other side.

Starfire slowly opened it, half expecting to be shot in the face with some sort of destructive mechanism or being pulled outward and locked away from her only source of rescue. Instead of those worse case scenerios, a body fell forward, limply lying within her arms. The distinctive clothing and blonde hair were noticable beyond anything else, but the butterfly hairclip gave away teh identity of the mangled mess. Beastboy tore over toward Starfire and the wounded person, gently lifting the obviously fractured skull so he could confirm that this was, indeed, Terra.

"Terra..." came his soft cry, a whimper that was usually only heard when he took the form of a dog.

"I'll unlock her room." Cyborg said. "Star, bring her over. Raven and I will try to fix her up as well as we can."

Before Starfire could take Terra back to the abandoned room that had onced housed her and all her secrets, Beastboy had taken her body and began to walk away, seemingly in a trance. Starfire just stood there, her eyes tearing up. It was hard to explain; she could feel the life flowing out of Terra, the way she was willingly letting go. Beastboy was obviously heartbroken, and a deep somber mood had overfallen the entire tower. This was Slade's work, something that had always hit close to home with the group, and Terra was being played for a pawn yet again. She was very easily manipulated, but in the end had sacrificed herself to tie Slade away forever. It made sense; if Slade were to come back, then Terra would have had to come back as well. She knew all of his secrets, meaning she was his biggest weakness, and he had needed to get rid of her. Terra was the only thing locking Slade away; if she were to awaken from her stone state, he would be released as well.

Now Terra was losing her lifelong battle to find a home, a place she belonged, all because of a mistake. It seemed like a high price for someone who was overly naive to have to pay when there were so many other people who deserved her fate much more. Starfire mentally slapped herself for the thought; it wasn't right to think so viciously about people she didn't know or understand, but Terra was her friend, and this was affecting every other friend Starfire had. It was all she could do to try not to cry. She had to be strong now, at least until she was alone. Then she could bury herself in a sea of blankets and revert back to the savior who had protected her for years.

"Robin... what do you think... how did Terra come back?"

"I don't know." he ground out. "But right now you and I need to track Slade while they take care of her."

Starfire looked at him. "Robin, we cannot leave when Terra is in this kind of condition! Slade will wait a while before he takes anymore action, you know that. He never attacks when we are in a weak state, only when we are at our strongest."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not letting anyone else get hurt." came his angered reply.

"Robin!" she cried, the energy of her 'righteous fury' showing with the creation of her starbolts. "We are in no position to go after Slade right now! If you get hurt, then what will the rest of us do? Wait on getting to Slade; that will come soon enough. Do not take unnecessary risks, please."

He softened slightly, realizing how much Starfire just wanted him to lie low for now. He knew that she was right, but his entire conscience told him that he had to go after Slade now or he would never get another chance. That fact was a lie though; if Slade meant any harm (which he obviously did), he would show up again and they would all fight once more. In the end, they would get rid of Slade again-- there was no way they would lose to him. It was obvious that Starfire realized his submission to her plea, and she lost the furious energized glow that had been surrounding her hands as she allowed herself to avert her gaze back to the floor.

"Now, I... I will be going to my room." she stated, rushing away before Robin could stop her.

Starfire's mind was completely clouded; there was no way she could stay their any longer. She had to retreat back. She had to get back to her blade.

_'Little sister... if all you can do is whine to me about things that upset you, why don't you just hurt yourself? Each time you want to complain to me, each time your upset, just hurt yourself. Eventually you'll be so focused on that pain that you will forget everything else. If you ever want to compete agaisnt me, you are going to need to develop a tolerance to pain'_

She shook her head. Why did she still use that for an excuse, even though she knew inside (and has stated to Blackfire before) that Blackfire was not the ruler of her? Why did she still think of this everytime she used that god-forsaken razor? It didn't matter, she needed it, almost craved it. Her room wasn't far away, meaning her salvation was just as close. The doorway opened quickly and she slipped inside, letting the dark colors envelope her.

She could finally... be open.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Are you all still with me? I know, a lot happened in this chapter, and it's still short. I tried to make it longer, I really did, but the next chapter has to have some substance as well. If you can't tell, another pairing will probably be Beastboy/Terra.......... maybe Raven/Cyborg (my best friend picked them out and they've been stuck in my head), but we will see. I'm trying to focus just on Starfire and Robin, really. What do you think of me bringing Slade and Terra back? Let me know!

solodancer789: I'm glad you liked my second chapter!! Thankies so much!

PixieGirl2009: I knew what you meant when you said you were talking like a fortune cookie, lol, it's okay. It's not as bad as me calling myself and my friends fruits. LOL, I do that all the time. Bad habits. And there is nothing wrong with finding stories like these interesting; I mean, a lot of people do. Heck, I like to read them (heck, I am the one WRITING them) but some people get offended and stuff by the subject, because of things that have happened to/with them. I myself had dealt with friends who cut themselves, this is actually how I vent my anger. Don't feel stupid for liking these kinds of stories! It's a good thing!

ccabello: I will write more soon, and thanks!

Rekka's Angel: I myself had sympathize with Robin in this story; I've been in his position MANY times before (and yes, as with you, sometimes WORSE), and you are very right about how hard it is to help people like this. I'm glad you like how I've been making Star's character-- she's the hardest to write, because I try to keep her in character and change her outlook all at once. I'm glad you think I've done well with it this far? I hope this chapter kept you as into the story as you were before!!

Rochelleteentitan: Thank you!!

S. Giovanni: :: blushes :: Is my work REALLY improving? I was afraid I was moving too fast, but I can always place up blockades to 'halt' the improvement just as well as I can make it reverse or increase. I just have to think. A lot. Do you think I'm a better writer than you? Dear, everyone criticizes their own work (heck, I usually hate what I write), so you probably aren't giving yourself enough credit. Maybe, if I have time, I can get around to reading something of yours.

TanukiGirl22: Well, you have returned, have you not? I know the chapters are short, but we don't have Microsoft Word on our laptop, just WordPad and Notepad, so I have to guess how long the chapters are. Parts of it seem redundant? I don't mean for them to; the thing is, in Starfire's position, they will have to repeat themselves, because people who cut themselves usually (from experience, I've dealt with many of those people) focus on one or a few certain things that make them upset, sorta like a onetrack mind. I'm glad you still find it interesting though!

Broken-Mask: I didn't know there were other Star-cuts-herself fics.......... maybe I just haven't read enough? I'm going to TRY and get Starfire cheery again, but I truly can't rush that if I want this story to work out. I'm glad you like the idea, though. Thanks for your input!

Inferna: Lol, I try to update. Sometimes I have problems with that, it all depends on how filled up my well of ideas and inspiration is. In the first chapter, I did state that it seemed more like a Raven kinda thing to do, but you are right too, not everyone can be cheery without it being fake. And please, do send me your poem!! You can get my e-mail off of my author's page. If you wish, you can read some of my poetry concerning this subject, you can find it at My penname there is SiretaInDisguise.

Nightbolts101: In another story you had something really sick and sad in it? Dear, I LIVE off of sick and sad stories. LOL, I know it's pathetic, but it's really... interesting. And that is another WONDERFUL point-- in real life, there are RARELY ever happy endings. Most people don't realize that! And there is nothing wrong with rambling on; actually, those are the reviews that I perfer. LOL, as you can see, I ramble on on my own. Thanks for reviewing my story, it means a lot to me, and I will read somemore of your stuff soon!!

Starfire of Tamaran: :: blinks :: I can't just NOT STOP, lol, the story has to end SOMEWHERE!! I'm glad you liked it that much though... it means a lot to me!! It made me very happy!


	4. Stolen Secrets

Author's Notes: I love drama-- I really do. I know it's a bad thing to be so obsessive about, but oh well, I am and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon. This chapter has a lot of ideas swirlling in my head, so we'll see if I can get over my 'short chapter syndrome' and actually write you all a very long, impressive, worthwhile chapter for once!! Bring it on!! LOL, we're also going to see if I am capable of multitasking by doing my Algebra II homework and writing this at the same time!! Wish me luck! Lucky for you guys, I don't usually post stuff I don't like a little myself. This chapter is dedicated to Irene, S. Giovanni and Nightbolts101.

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 4- Stolen Secrets**

Robin sat on the couch idly, waiting for Slade's next transmission to interrupt the accustoming silence. The tower had been in disarray for most of the day, and had only recently calmed down. Beastboy was sleeping in Terra's room, keeping a close, protective eye over her. Raven had disappeared into her room with a book, and Cyborg had prepared to recharge himself for the night. Starfire had disappeared long ago in the middle of the chaos, and he was positive he knew where she was and what she was doing; the only reason he wasn't in there trying to stop her was because he knew his mindset was too focused and infused with rage toward Slade, and that was the last thing Starfire needed thrown at her. He had no choice but to wait this situation out from all different corners, until one side began to bend or surrendered their hold on his attentions and emotions. Being pulled in different directions was never a fun experience, especially when every angle demanded the same large power in order to be contented and resolved. That mean he had to make a decision, and force himself to stick with it.

For now he would trust Starfire and focus on Slade.

His eyes scanned around the room; despite the tense atmosophere surrounding the situation, he felt oddly calm and bored, and that was starting to trigger an uneasiness within him. Robin knew he always had to be on guard when it came to his arch enemy, but he couldn't help but feel safe within the tower. It was kind of ironic, considering the last time Slade came into existence was when Robin had been rummaging through evidence and found himself under the influence of some strange, powdered form of a hallucinogen. Of course, the irony of the situation never did surface in his mind, considering it wasn't the most important thing at the moment. Robin had to admit though-- the waiting was making him bored and lulling him into an unwanted sleep. He couldn't keep his eyes from drooping, closing, and sealing away his senses.

"Robin."

Shooting his masked eyes up toward the screen, Robin was surprised to see no picture of Slade, or any indication that the screen had come on at all. Unable to shake the feeling that he had heard someone, Robin stood and began to search the closed in area, looking for a clue that could connect the voice he had heard to it's owner. He didn't just imagine these kinds of things; Slade had to be around there somewhere, but how could he have gotten inside? The security system was intact and defiently working to it' s full extent; Cyborg had made sure of that long before he had left to recharge. So if Slade wasn't inside the building, then the only other place he could be was...

Spinning around, Robin stared Slade dead straight in the face where he floated on an individual hover craft just outside the window. The familiar snarl that always accompained Robin's face whenever Slade was seen or mentioned leaked into his aura while he continued the glaring contest with his enemy. Neither one battled through words or movements, simply stared down their opponent, waiting patiently for the other to snap. There was no response at first, and before Robin realized it, Slade was shooting up toward the roof of Titan's tower. Not taking much time to think, he shot off in a dead sprint toward the stairway that would lead him to the meeting place Slade had chosen. The sound of his boots ricocheted in an endless echo as he traveled up the encased metal staircase, rushing with familiar haste toward the threat. Robin burst through the door, nearly stumbling out onto the cold metal as he found himself face to face with Slade once again. Slade stepped off his hovercraft, standing casually as he inspected the home of his ex-apprentinces, mentally taking in any weakness in the fortress he could find.

"Slade. You said you wanted to speak with me."

"And we will." he responded. "How is she doing?"

"Who?"

"Terra, of course." Slade questioned.

Robin's eyes fell into slits. "She's still alive, meaning you lost that fight."

"I do not consider it a loss." Slade answered, keeping his eye fixated upon Robin and his stature. "Why so tense, Robin?"

"Stop playing around. What do you want?"

"I believe I am above... Starfire's room, am I not?" came the response, still eluding Robin from the answer he seeked.

A look of bewilderment overthrew Robin's stone-hard battle facade. How did Slade know where Starfire's room was located? Had he been monitoring them in isolation the whole time they thought he was dead and gone? When he broke through the titan's mainframe to appear upon their large screened television and taunt them, did he swipe the blueprints to the tower from their computers? It angered him and frightend him all at the same time, yet he had to keep his emotions in check. There was no reason to give Slade the idea that Starfire meant more to him than the rest of the Titans. She did not need to be singled out just because of the grudge between Slade and himself, and he would never allow her to be subjected to that, especially in her current mindset. There were only a few things that could cause Robin to lie, and her safety was one of them.

He had to focus on Slade.There was no telling just what Slade would do next; he was a classifie madman who was capable of horrendous acts beyond the imagination of any human.

"What do you want, Slade?"

The slight increase of aggressiveness in Robin's voice was hard to miss, and Slade picked up on it very easily. There were so many things he could use agaisnt Robin, so many ways to manipulate his mind and twist him to the the breaking point, yet he was choosing the one that he knew would hit closest to home, the one that would frighten his unruly ex-apprentince the most. If he wanted to make a lasting impression, one that marked much deeper than the one already etched into Robin's being, he would have to attack at the heart of the matter. He had to strike at his pride using the simple doubt he knew haunted Robin and drove him to become better.

"How can you protect her if you can't stop me?" Slade questioned, calmly .

Without much hesitation, Robin had drawn his bo staff and pounced viciously upon Slade, attacking with a fury he had forgotten he had. It had been such a long time since he last needed to produce more stamina and strength than he possessed; it had been so long since he last felt this much adrenaline pump throughout him. Slade raised an arm and blocked the attack, pushing Robin back with a well positioned spin kick. He retained the position it left him in, keeping his single uncovered eye upon his ex-apprentince. After sliding momentarily, Robin was back on Slade, using the bo staff as a lever to hoist himself into the air while he drew out multiple explosive disks to offer a devestating and unexpected hit on Slade. Rivaling Robin's agility, Slade hopped over toward the corner of the tower, landing with unabiding gracelessness as he nearly fell over. A roundhouse kick from Robin forced him back further, and left him thankful for his hovercraft as he floated out of attack range. It was always amusing to him to watch how hard Robin would fight him, almost as if he was possessed the devil and fighting to drag him down to hell.

"We will meet again." Slade told him. "Watch over her, Robin."

Robin ran across the slick roofing, trying to reach the edge so he could jump onto Slade's escape vechile and finish his fight. Unfortunetly he only found himself sliding to a quick stop when Slade, and his hover craft, disappeared. He stopped right on the edge, growling in his frustration. Why was it that they could never do Slade in? Everytime they fought him, they always left him room to recover and come back to haunt them. It was a sudden decision, but Robin stayed on the roof, glaring up toward the moon until he was completely calmed down; there was no reason for him to go inside, slamming doors and causing more choas. Besides, when he went inside, he was going to talk to Starfire, and for that he needed to be as calm as possible.

* * *

Starfire looked down at her newly wounded arm; three parallel slashes overlapped the countless other crosshatched scars that made up her skin. It had become increasingly harder to cut through the thickened skin, and that frustrated her; she had to cut deeper each time, releasing more blood, just to feel the rush that calmed her. And even though she knew the original reason for her actions was now an inplausible excuse, she kept doing it. Peircing her skin with the dulling blade, she pulled it powerfully and slowly across the other three bleeding marks, drawing an interesting design marked in red. She pulled the embedded razor out and set it on her table, turning her gaze back to the oozing blood that swirlled down her forearm and pooled over her palm. She didn't regret the new cuts; each one was marked with a failure they represented, things she could never forgive herself for.

Terra.

Emotional instability.

Her inward cowardice.

Breaking her silent promise to Robin.

Even though she had cut to keep from crying, the tears still flowed. Starfire couldn't help herself any longer, no matter how much she tried. This was part of the reason why she had given up her right to the throne of Tamaran; she would never be stable enough to rule over an entire planet. Not with a habit like this one. Starfire truly did not like the places her thoughts wandered sometimes; she did not like to shroud herself in a dark dimension of her mind, and that was why she had started the meditation with Raven. It calmed her enough to keep her from the darker edges of herself, but not enough to keep her from the cutting ritual that had buried itself deep into her life. For a while she had been able to stop; for a while she hadn't depended upon it. But like any other addiction, she had been sucked back toward it again and completely controlled by it.

A knock interrupted her thoughts; who could possibly be there? Starfire rapidly placed her gloves back on, checking her blankets for any possible bloodstains that could trigger suspicion by the person who was about to enter her room. She was scared; she had almost been caught again, she was lucky the person decided to knock before they came in. Starfire took a quick glance at her gloves, making sure the blood wasn't seeping through.

"Who is it?"

"Robin. Let me in."

The forcefulness of his voice worried her, so she opened the door without much hesitation, turning on the lights as she did. Robin filed in, waiting patiently for the door to close with a resounding _whoosh_ once again. Starfire looked at Robin's rigid form, trying to decipher what was causing him to appear so tense. It was obvious that he was full of frustration, and she blamed herself for it; even if she wasn't the full cause, she knew she was part of it. Had he not looked at her with pain the last time they'd been left in seclusion within her room? Her heart sank for him; Robin was the leader, and so much was pushed off onto him, and that was why he built layers around himself. To protect himself from the things he had to do, from the hard decisions he had to make.

"Did Slade give you transmission once more?"

Robin turned toward her, taking a tight hold of her shoulders. "Starfire, promise me you won't go off anywhere without someone else around."

"Robin, I do not understand. I am not going anywhere." she protested, not liking the way his fingers pinched her skin. "What did Slade speak to you of?"  
"Starfire, you have to promise me." he looked pleading, worried and torn all at once.

She nodded. "I will promise if you tell me why I need to."

"He's targeting you. Slade wants to get to you."

Starfire led Robin over toward her bed, making him sit beside her. "I can take care of myself Robin. You do not need to worry; Slade will not get me, he will not harm anyone. We are all safe here."

"Starfire, if he wasn't targeting you, then how would he know where your room was?" he questioned. "Why would he tell me to keep an eye on you?"

"Maybe he is trying to scare you?" she suggested. "I do not think he could be this prepared to fight so soon after return from the dead."

It was hard to convince Robin of anything when it came to Slade, and Starfire was almost weary to even try anymore. "Robin, let us not worry about things that have yet to happen."

Robin's gaze fell toward the floor, tracing the nonexistance patterns that adorned it. Part of him want to scream, another wanted to grab Starfire and never let her go. Did no one realize the danger they were in if Slade knew the blueprints to the tower? Maybe he was over reacting and he just didn't realize it; Robin had to admit, he did have a habit of getting eccentric when it came to matters involving Slade or Starfire. That should have triggered a bell that he was going react with double force, but it never crossed his mind. Placing his head into his hands, Robin took a moment to breathe and clear his head; he had not expected to rush into Starfire's room and start to rant about Slade.

When he gathered himself, Robin lifted his head and risked a glance toward Starfire. His eyes narrowed when he noticed a metallic object ontop of her nightstand; it was covered in a red liquid, which he presumed to be blood. Had she accidently left it out? Looking back down, he could see his hand start to shake. Was he nervous? The proof was right in front of his face; he had known that had bene her secret. But how was he supposed to let her know that he knew without causing a stressful argument or awkward moment? It wasn't right for him to not let her know that he knew what she had been doing, and he had even more right to tell her what he thought about it.

"I do have to worry Starfire." he pointed out. "I have to worry about you."

Her eyes showed pure confusion. "Why is that?"

"That." Robin responded, signalling with his finger toward the table.

Starfire turned her body, and visibly stiffened when she saw the blood covered razor. Obviously she had not purposely left it upon her nightstand; Starfire would not start to squirm if it had been a conscience thing. Robin waited for her to turn back toward him, so he could continue with his speech. Starfire didn't move other than to pick up the offending object and shove it into the drawer that had concealed it for so long, hiding it's sadistic existance from prying eyes.

"Robin, I think you should go now."

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Well.......... there's your chapter. I have a bad feeling I'm going to have some writers block for the next chapter, so PLEASE DO SEND ME IDEAS!! I am VERY open to using them! Please leave me feedback on my characterization of Slade.

S. Giovanni: :: blushes again :: You think the only flaw to my writing is that it's TOO good? Wow......... that is the most complimentory compliment I've ever recieved. Thank you so much for your support and your immense compliments... they really boost my self esteem!

TanukiGirl22: Was it wrong to place so much focus on Terra? How far into the series does this go? In all truth, it takes place, thus far, at least after Robin's run in with the hallucinagin in Slade's mask. I would place it somewhere after that. I know it's moving fast, but I'm trying, I really am....

Starfire of Tamaran: LOL, don't be sorry for telling me to keep going! It helps to keep me going! And you sit there and re-read this whole story? Wow, that must be a feat within itself.

D-I-WaRrIa: Blackfire DIDN'T say that in any episodes, I just made it up to help my plot. I'm glad you think I've captured Starfire's personality, was a little worried about that!

Nightbolts101: I read your 'The Telling' story. I loved it, if you couldn't tell by my obsessive amount of reviews. But yes, that kind of a review would make me sad as well. I mean, you are proud of everything you post (for the most part), it's never much fun to have some critique it in a negative manner. Rambling is a GOOD thing-- never stop! That's how you MEET people, come on!! LOL!

Chele: CHELE!! LOL! You reviewed, only because I said you had to, but I suppose it don't matter, hmm?


	5. Secret

Author's Notes: Wow!! Forty-nine reviews!! That's like a ton! I'm sure a lot of you are like 'uh...... yeah right......... you can get more.........' but still, I'm VERY happy! It's been a long time since I've opened my inbox and gotten like 7 messages, most of which were reviews! I'm a very happy young authoress! So, lets see how this chapter goes, I know a lot of you weren't expecting a cliffhanger. But allow me to forwarn you-- I am notorious for them, and my saying is as follows: Cliffhangers are good as long as you don't fall over the edge. So be expecting a few more. If I don't leave you with them, then you'll never stay addicted to the story!!! And this chapter is dedicated to Inferna for a poem she sent to me. I loved it very much and it helped with the inspiration for this chapter. I also wrote my own short poem, and here it is:

Do you ever feel the tears

Fighting through your eyes

As you sit there and you stare

Pretending your always alright

Masking your feelings

And bottling your pain

Internally for enternity you cry

Secretly wishing people weren't so blind

Deep within the jealously builds

Leaving with the blood from your veins

Tearing away the poison they spread

From the the tears you couldn't shed.

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 5- Secret Dissipation**

Starfire reluctantly decided not to remain within her room after forcing Robin out; it would only make him worry more. After donning fresh bandages and a clean pair of gloves, she had entered the halls with the same smile she usually wore, the identical facade that she used to get through all her sticky situations, all the trials of her life, always masking the same bloody truth. But right now, Starfire had made it a goal to forget about her razor slicing habits and do something that was usually expected of her. She rounded the corner toward Terra's room, awaiting the _whoosh_ sound that would signal the opening of her door. There was a tense atmosphere within the room, and not surprisingly, Starfire found Beast Boy huddled close to Terra, watching over her like a hawk. It was almost as if he hadn't heard her come in; he was so focused on Terra that he was oblivious to all his surroundings.

"How is our friend, Beast Boy?" she questioned, holding her hands in front of herself and intertwining her fingers.

Beast Boy looked up toward her. "She's alive."

"And this is... good." Starfire stated, smiling lightly. "I am sure Terra will be okay!"

"She will be. There is no doubt." came his gruff response. "Terra's been through enough to be capable of overcoming this."

She frowned. "Please do not sound so sad. If you would like, I could make 'Pudding of Sadness' again to help you..."

"No!"

"Are you sure?"

Beast Boy sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. Besides, that pudding of yours was nasty."

Starfire smiled. "It was meant to taste horrendous."

"What do you think is going to happen now that Slade came back?" Beast Boy asked. "Do you think Terra will stay with us this time?"

That had not been a question Starfire was anticipating. "I believe Terra will stay this time. She knows this is where she belongs. As for Slade... I am not so sure."

There was a long silence; neither titan saw the need to speak. Not much else seemed important enough to infiltrate the tension in the room; if Beast Boy was not trying to crack jokes, then you knew that it was not the time to say something. Starfire had to admit though, Terra did look a ton better since falling the door and into the titan's home. The blood had been washed away, each cut had been carefully treated and bandaged, and the machines that would have normally been connected to her were no where in sight. This helped raise the bar of hope further up on its ladder, and washed away some of the guilt and grief that had overtaken Starfire initially. Contented with what little she had managed to learn, she left Beast Boy and Terra alone; she no longer needed to infringe upon their overdue reunion.

Travelling light back toward her room, Starfire floated underneath her blankets and into a restless sleep, torment with visions of distruction she could never explain outwardly.

* * *

Robin had no more doubts now. Starfire _was_ a cutter. The razorblade had been sitting right there, she'd gone rigid and demanded his departure. There was no longer a question, it was all truth. He had to do something about it. How could he hide Starfire away from Slade knowing that there was more danger within her own being than from Slade himself? But, he knew he was only overlooking the truth; he didn't want to Starfire to stop just because of the danger. It scared him, in more ways than he could ever possibly hope to explain. It hurt him to know she felt that way, and even more to realize there was so much about her that he could never understand, that she kept hidden. Hadn't Starfire always been his best friend? Hadn't they always shared everything together? 

How long had she been doing it?

Had he not been as strong and stubborn as he was, Robin would have cried.

Nothing made sense anymore. What was he supposed to focus on? Starfire's life ...or her safety?

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Oh my god. This chapter is overdue, but with good reason-- I had WRITERS BLOCK. Yes, writers block. How stupid can I get? LOL, I'm sorry to all of you who reviewed and waited. Sometimes writers block attacks and doesn't let go. That's when I need to kill. Yes indeed. Also, because of how many reviews I get, I can only respond to the reviews submitted to the MOST RECENT chapter. Sorry. ; Also, I know IT WAS SHORT. You can PLAN on having the next chapter MUCH LONGER. I was a little confused with ideas, but I know how I'm starting the next chapter so it SHOULD be better. Please, don't kill me! 

TanukiGirl22: I'm glad your getting into this. I know this is something your either gonna like or your gonna hate. Why I write for controversy, I'll never understand myself.

solodancer789: I will!

babowonsuni: When will Starfire admit that she's cutting? ........... hmm. I'm not sure. I'm guessing within the next few chapters, maybe.

Nightbolts101: Another rambling review. Lovelyful! I also saw that you mentioned me on your author's page-- thank you much! I actually do skim through those, don't know why, I just do. I guess I'm just looking for ideas, no? LOL, no worries! I tend to sound like a lot of people! I love getting to know people through this, it's so much fun. You meet more people like yourself this way! Why did I dedicate the last chapter to you? Because I could. Why not? Your cool! How old are you? Hmmm.......... I'm taking that that's a trick question,so I'm gonna take a guess and say 12 or 13............... you'll have to let me know if I am right or not. I turn 17 in January......... I'm getting old, lol! I don't plan on discontinuing this story. I don't want 'horribly horrible' things to happen to me. that would be scary. I love to write too. It is WORTH the pain and torture you put yourself through. Acutally, speaking of writing, i need to finish my Creative Writing story and my notes for English. I get a billion on a scale of 1-10? Awesomeness!! I didn't know i was THAT great! Thank you! LOL!

ccabello: I hope I wrote this soon enough....

Inferna: yeah, I know that he would know alot of stuff from Terra, but I also ASSUMED that since they knew the information was out there, they would have changed a lot of things from how they were before for protection reasons. I don't want Raven to be a cutter as well, I want this to be a problem unique to Starfire, but I think Raven is going to have figured it out BECAUSE of the meditation they did, like their aura's melded and she accidently saw into the more tormented part of Starfire. That's my thoughts, but I dunno. And I did love your poem. I wanted to use it in the story, but it did influence me. I'm trying to make this story as original to my own writing style as I possibly can.

CuteAlienGirl: OO Wow.... you certainly have read my story quite a few times haven't you? I'm actually very surprised. I didn't know people, or you, liked it that much. I may try to read some of your work when I am less stressed and have less to do, we shall see.

blackcoat-245: Of course he hit a nerve with Starfire. She doesn't want anyone to know she's a cutter.

racoongirl: I hope I updated soon enough!

LikePride: I did!

Starfire Of Tamaran: LOL, cliffhangers are FUN! They always have been! I love them, and I LOVE reading them. I know, I'm strange. I wouldn't want you to go insane, so heres your update............. but I think insanity is a good state of mind.

Rekka's Angel: I'm glad you like the pace of the story. It's getting increasingly difficult to just churn out chapter after chapter! But yes, Slade will have a trick up his sleeve, I just haven't exactly DECIDED what it's gonna be.

Faye: Wow, thanks a lot for your comments!! I'm glad you liked it so much! This would make for some intersting Teen Titans episodes, wouldn't it?

sarah the slayer: LOL, thank you and I will try!


	6. Dulling Secrets

**Author's Notes:** Biggest apologies to you all! Months since my last update! I'm so sorry! I have some stories that are almost a year in wait of an update. I feel terrible about that. But things haven't been all cake and cookies for me lately, so I just took a break from fan fiction and went directly to original stories and poetry to release my frustrations. But truly… I am amazed. I have 94 reviews, and only 5 chapters. That means I received 50+ reviews since my last chapter. Do you have any idea how good that makes me feel? I'm dedicating this chapter to Terra, who, quite frankly, whipped me into shape and made me update. Also, to a reviewer named Jamie, I'm dedicating this one to you as well. You decided to tell me about all my typos, which means a lot. I actually went and re-read all my chapters and saw the typos myself. That's what happens when you type things up on Wordpad instead of Microsoft Word. Thanks for telling me!

**Blade of Secrets**

**Chapter 6- Dulling Secrets**

It was obvious to Starfire that when she mediated, she was in danger of revealing her secret. Meditation placed you in a semi-comatose state of comfort, leaving her mind extremely vulnerable to the prying eyes of those around her… or just the prying mind of Raven, who was sitting inconspicuously beside her, innocently spreading her aura across the room. After her confrontation with Robin, Starfire had begun meditating more often; it relieved the stress and fears she had about the situation. She was searching for answers through this calming outlet; they had yet to come to her.

He knew now. She couldn't hide her secret from Robin anymore. He understood and knew what she was doing, and had seen what she was destroying herself with; a small, insignificant razor blade, about an inch long and inconceivably thin. If anyone, the last person she had wanted to know about this was Robin. He was the first, and he was the only person who knew what she was doing. It hurt Starfire to realize she could never tell him why; she no longer had an excuse, other than it was habit.

Robin would not accept that answer.

Starfire's face contorted with her jumbled thoughts; she was losing her concentration on calming herself, and it was leaving her unstable. It took so long to get used to meditation, and she was not going to make her progress seem to be in vain by screwing up now. The only thing Starfire wished she knew how to do was block out all invading, foreign minds that tried to pry into her abyss of secrecy.

She knew that was the reason why Raven still allowed her to meditate with her. She was digging deep into the forgotten, blood covered memories shoved away in the dark corners of Starfire's mind, looking for a clue to the sudden mood deterioration she was exhibiting. The concern was almost suffocating, and even Starfire didn't understand why she still sat there, allowing herself to be open around Raven. Something about meditating with her made the entire process simpler than meditation alone.

"Why, Starfire?"

_'Raven… why are you talking to me in my mind?'_

"Consideration. I know you don't want the rest of the team to know what you're hiding."

_'I have nothing to hide.'_

"Why are you lying to me? I can see all those thoughts you try to hide. I'm inside your mind, feeling what you feel. It's pointless to try and edge your way out by disguising what you're feeling. I know what your feeling."

_'Friend Raven… I have no reason…'_

"Starfire, you're unhappy with yourself and the retreat you've started using. What form of self mutilation are you using?"

_'I… I'm not doing…'_

"I'm not going to make you tell me. I can find out on my own."

_'Why does it matter so?'_

"You're my friend. And although I'm usually sarcastic about these situations, you've been worrying me lately."

_'I am sorry for that, but you truly have no reason to suffer the worrying of me.'_

"I'm not suffering, I'm concerned. Now are you going to tell me?"

_'I will reassure you, friend Raven, that I am better. I am getting… better.'_

"And that response was unenthusiastic. Do you really want to make Robin suffer like he is over all this?"

_'Robin is… suffering?'_

"How would you like to make the decision between protecting your safety or protecting you from yourself?"

_'I do not wish to continue this conversation.'_

Starfire allowed herself to come back from the deep trance she was within; Raven knew what was happening. There was a burning rage within Starfire. Robin had told someone else, and had given away her secret, spread the word of her inability to remain emotionally sane; the one person she had trusted had just betrayed any inclination of loyalty Starfire had ever believed he had for her. Robin was supposed to be her best friend; he was supposed to respect her wishes…

_'Is it really that bad that he needed to tell someone else…?'

* * *

_

The punching bag swung on its ceiling hinge, recoiling from a tremendous attack, and then swinging back for the rest of the ferocious punches. The fabric and stuffing folded, molding around the fist intent on doing damage. That was the only thing frustrating Robin; punching bags couldn't react to the pain with the grunts he wanted to hear. Something had to hurt as much as he was inside right now.

Slade had not been spotted in almost a week. Terra was still recovering.

He hadn't spoken to Starfire in days…

Swinging around, his foot connected with the bag, sending it flying from the broken hooking hinge and into the wall across the training hall. It didn't make any sense to him; Starfire was always happy, always bubbly and full of emotions. How could she be feeling that helpless and lonely?

His initial thought had been that it was some strange Tamaranian custom that no one on earth would ever comprehend, but he had dismissed that almost as soon as he'd thought of it. Had it been something Starfire saw no evil in, she would be performing the vile acts in the open and without the guilt he had saw interlaced in her face when he pointed the razor out. By this time, Robin was running out of optimistic ideas.

With all his worry over Starfire, he hadn't had the time to focus on his usual mad dash in search of Slade. He couldn't deny any longer what meant more to him; Starfire would always outweigh Slade. In the middle of a madman's plot to overtake the city (and eventually the world), should Starfire need him, he would put everything else on hold and race to her. Truthfully, that frightened Robin more than anything else. More than Starfire's cutting or Slade's ability to destroy or Raven's strange past and destiny to destroy the world, more than Terra's uncontrollable powers or Beast Boy's primal beast or Cyborg leaving the team, Robin feared his unnaturally volcanic emotions for Starfire.

It was his one true weakness—one that was publicly known, although denied.

Slade knew it was his weakness.

Was that why he was targeting Starfire?

"Robin!"

Stopping his brooding, Robin turned to see Starfire standing in the doorway, fuming with anger. Robin had seen Starfire smile, he'd seen her cry… but he had never seen her furious. Her small eyebrows furrowed down closer to her eyes and to a point above her nose, her eyes giving off a death glare. Her skin had turned pink in what could be confused for a blush instead of heated frustration. Starfire stomped toward him, her hands fisted together, slowly clenching and unclenching to try to calm her down.

"How could you _tell_ someone else?" she cried.

Robin was confused. "Tell who what?"

"What you saw the other day, in my room, when Slade first appeared. How many of our friends did you tell?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't said anything to anyone." Robin defended. "I wouldn't do that to you. I'm not even sure if what I saw was real yet."

Starfire calmed down a bit. "Then why did Raven… um… ask me the questions of interrogation on the subject?"

"Raven asked you…?" Robin shook his head. "She's noticed something with you, I asked her to keep an eye on you for me. I didn't tell her what I saw."

"Noticed what about me, Robin?"

"Star, you can try as hard as you want… but Raven can sense the slightest changed in your emotional structure, especially when you meditate with her. Do you remember when you two switched bodies for a day because of those puppets that were sent here? She knows you inside and out now. She will sense when something is wrong."

"I don't want anyone to sense anything being 'wrong' with me. Nothing is wrong with me. I am not broken. I am not wrong." Starfire defended. "Robin… I wish you to please forget what you saw last week. We are a team, but sometimes when there are troubles we are best to work them out on our own."

"If it was someone else and not yourself, you would want to help them."

"But it is me this time, and that makes it different."

Before Robin could respond, Starfire had left the hall and him to the silence.

_Star… you're not broken. You're breaking. I just want to stop it before we can't fix it.

* * *

_

**Author's Notes:** Okay. So it's short, I apologize. I'm trying to figure out exactly what it was I was wanting out of this story. So… give me ideas! Please! Something should remind me what I was hoping to do with this! And… no review responses this time. I had too many reviews!

Love and hugs-

Crystal Renee


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